As has happened in other cases, the Canadian Frank-descended royal family that has lived in Burlington has been able to put their personal stamp on things in their dominion when they see fit. (See “John Hiller and Satan’s Choice were responsible for changing the Kraft Dinner/Macaroni & Cheese recipe“.)
(Given that there’s no evidence being presented here that isn’t circumstantial, this post and the others like this are exercises in hypothesizing for entertainment purposes only, whether or not the accounts presented correspond to real, not-fictional events.)
In 2022, Tim Hortons introduced a new item to their menu, the Savoury Pastry Anytime Snacker, in Herb & Garlic and Jalapeno Pepper flavours. Here’s a post about them from BlogTO: “Tim Hortons just added a new pastry to its menu and people aren’t sure it’s a winner“. That’s from November 24, 2022.
I tried an Herb & Garlic one. It was gross. I once worked a snack bar job where we had to serve these rather lackluster cream-cheese-filled pretzels, which were okay-tasting, but a great disappointment when compared with your standard soft pretzel. I figured it would be like that, and it was, but worse, given its seasoning.
Here’s why—it was a deliberately awful-tasting and smelling introduction to the Tim Hortons product shelves insisted upon by Canadian Frankish leadership family member Meredith Cheeseman, and it happened because of her family’s dissatisfaction with one particular Tim Hortons location in Burlington.
Here’s a reaction to the Savoury Pastries from JustFoodReviews on YouTube:
Part of the gag (pardon the pun) is to see if people eat them and claim that they like them because they think they’re supposed to.
The other part has to do with the Tim Hortons location at 601 Brant Street in Burlington. Full disclosure—I worked at this location for three months in 2017 and I knew the management.
This location was insanely busy. It was close to a high school and two elementary schools with seventh- and eighth-graders, and the only slow time where you could do cleaning was Sunday morning.
After I worked there, someone started a fire in the garbage can out front, and it spread to the interior of the restaurant, causing significant damage and shutting down the restaurant for months. (https://globalnews.ca/news/3987985/fire-at-burlington-tim-hortons-ruled-an-arson/) The people I knew who worked there ended up working other jobs; I remember running into one of them.
When they hired the new staff, the leadership family, especially Meredith Cheeseman, were displeased with the quality of the new employees.
So, as a Cheeseman family cheese-off, the order was sent to the Tim Hortons’ Canadian management that she wanted a particular product introduced to Tim Hortons in order to make their employees have to smell that particular smell—the baking of “family crescents with everything in them,” one of her attempts at an original recipe with particularly odoriferous results.
In a similar vein, the same motive is why Swiss Chalet has served that (godawful, in my opinion) red “au jus” sauce with their chicken dinners all these years. Apparently, that one came from Canadian leadership candidate (at the time) Lorne Greene.
I never liked that stuff, and I felt very, very validated upon learning this. I wouldn’t eat the red sauce. I tried it, and I didn’t get why people would eat it. When I was married and we got Swiss Chalet take-out, I’d eat my chicken dinner with Kraft Chicken & Rib barbecue sauce. I wanted actual flavourful sauce, and the red sauce did nothing.
Here’s an honest food reviewer who agrees with me: https://thetakeout.com/swiss-chalet-sauce-is-not-good-and-the-world-needs-to-k-1845328193
There have been relationships that ended because a Canadian has sworn that Swiss Chalet red sauce is a good-tasting thing and his or her partner is basically wrong for not appreciating it.
Tim Hortons’ bakers only have so much time to prepare product and there’s only so much shelf space. That time and space could be devoted to something people actually like, like classic donut flavours or something like that; I noticed a “vintage donut” promotion recently.
Here’s hoping that Tim Hortons stops wasting its time on Savoury Pastries.
Image credits:
https://www.cheatsheet.com/entertainment/bonanza-why-lorne-greene-nicknamed-voice-of-doom.html/
https://thetakeout.com/swiss-chalet-sauce-is-not-good-and-the-world-needs-to-k-1845328193
Coffee and Donuts. That’s it. Everything else is awful. These people can’t toast a bagel.